OH, COME ON!

this is the worst fucking review i have ever read.


"In the Revolution short, an ejaculating penis is a recurring motif symbolizing rapture, and Gold's first single, "Street Jizz", similarly approaches orgasm and its byproducts as the (equally metaphoric and literal, no doubt) quintessence of experience, the "white light" that pierces the dark of night. Any revolution needs converts to succeed, though, and the song's chorus doubles as a recruitment slogan: 'It feels more dirty than it really is.'"

THE SONG IS ABOUT MIDDLE CLASS DUDES PAYING STREET DUDES FOR A BEEJ IN THE PARK. "I NEED SOME STREET JIZZ IN MY BOUGIE LIFE/IT FEELS MORE DIRTY THAN IT REALLY IS," BECAUSE OF CLASS + SEX + POWER POLITICS, ERIC.

ALSO, THE CHORUS IS "GEE WHIZ, STREET JIZZ." DO YOU REALLY NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS SONG WITH THE PHRASE "quintessence of experience"?

BLOW ME!

ANOTHER THING:
"mirrored in the album's butched-out cover image-- as a cartoonish, unambiguously bold amalgam of gay subcultural stereotypes..."

MY DEAR, AIN'T NOTHING BUTCH ABOUT THAT COVER! HANDLEBAR MUSTACHES DO NOT EQUAL BUTCH! I CAN SEE YOU TRIED REALLY HARD, AND MAYBE ASKED YOUR FRIEND WHO HAS A GAY FRIEND IF THE COVER HAD ANYTHING TO WITH GAY PEOPLE, SINCE, I MEAN, THE DUDE IS WEARING BLUE EYESHADOW, BUT, LIKE, SERIOUSLY? I CANNOT FORMULATE COMPLETE THOUGHTS BECAUSE I AM ASTOUNDED BY THE IGNORANCE AND BY WHAT APPEARS TO BE MAJ EGO.

BASED ON THE REVIEW ALONE, I WILL GO SO FAR AS TO SAY ERIC HARVEY IS A PRETENTIOUS CHODE. I WILL ALSO SAY HE IS AS QUEER AS THOMAS KINDCAIDE'S SHOELACE.

ADDENDUM:
PLEASE LIMIT ERIC HARVEY'S REVIEWS TO PAVEMENT RE-RELEASES AND HIRE THIS DUDE TO REVIEW FUTURE SSION RELEASES.